This is a screen capture from an actual instant message session between myself and a coworker this morning. I know it is small, but if you click on the image it will open up a larger one.

I have a very low tolerance for body fluids. The one thing I am really nervous about is cleaning up after the kid until he/she is old enough to do it. I can barely clean up after our 3 dogs, so this story while funny because it involves poop actually scares the hell out of me.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the stinky.

We went to Central Market today for groceries and JoAnna scampered off to buy pickle jar #5. Upon coming back I gave her a look which must have been scolding because she dropped her head like one of our dogs after punishment.

I don't think I will be updating this post tonight saying she has downed the whole thing in one sitting because as JoAnna put it - she has a goal of one jar every 2 weeks. I almost believe her, but I can't get past her saying she didn't like the brand she bought tonight (not Vlasic) yet visited the jar more than once.

While on the subject of pickles - we went to Chick-Fil-A the other day for lunch. Both of us got a Chick-Fil-A sandwich which includes as they put "2 crucial pickles." Just as I think I know my wife's eating habits, she custom orders her sandwich to leave off the pickles. If you have any insight into how my wife works, please leave me a comment.

My birthday is coming up and I got a Flip Video Mino HD camcorder to produce quick videos. After I recorded this video and started watching it, I thought that I might record it again because I stumbled on a few words and it could probably be more engaging. But this is supposed to be spur of the moment stuff, so in the end spontaneity reigned over perfection. My future ones will probably be shorter since I normally don't talk more than 5 minutes at a time.

You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words!!

My love of ice cream is legendary. One of my earliest and fondest memories is sitting on my grandfather's lap while we both chowed down on a bowl of ice cream. I wish I had the picture because I know there is one. I never get tired of the stuff and will go out of my way to satisfy my cravings. In college I would down Blue Bell Mint Chocolate Chip by the pint, usually several in one sitting. It is amazing that I am not heavier than 195.

Fast forward to 2007 - I get married and my lovely wife is not a dessert person. Sugar makes her sick which is hard to believe from somebody who once ate sugar sandwiches as a kid. Now that this pregnancy thing is going on, I have had to make several runs to the store for either pickles, Kashi cookies, or now ice cream. What once may be construed as a complete beat down (driving up to the store), I now enjoy because JoAnna has suddenly got a craving for ice cream. I better enjoy while it lasts.

Tonight I was checking the Facebook account and happened to hit the page of a coworker. I normally only read current statuses, but today I read a few of the older ones. I don't know why I did. Maybe it was fate. Perhaps it was some higher power guiding my eyes down the page, but I came to something that made me tingle with excitement. It read "...can I jsut tell you all how excited I am to have 3 pints of Graeters Black Raspberry Chip ice cream in my freezer!!!! Horray Kroger for starting to sell it here in Dallas! Mmmmmm yum!"

What??!!?? Graeter's in the Metroplex? Can't be!

Whenever I go to Cincinnati I always stop off at Graeter's at least 2 times to feed my craving. Being a native Texan means that Blue Bell runs cold through my veins, but this stuff is somewhat magical. My day always goes better with Graeter's.

8:00pm means it is damn near my bed time, but I had to get some tonight. Problem is that since only Kroger carries it, I would have to haul it over to Keller which is about a 15 minute drive. Such a small price to pay for getting all that creamy goodness in me. Let's just hope that both Keller and Fort Worth's finest are on dinner breaks because I am putting all 250hp to work tonight!

I tell JoAnna what I am doing and of course I get the requisite cookie order too, so in my mind this is a legitimate run to the store for the pregnant chick. Money! No need to feel bad now!

When I get to the store I start mapping out my plan. Ice cream is frozen. Ambient temperature is about 75 which means ice cream will melt. Hmm...better to minimize the time the ice cream is out of the freezer, so let's get the cookies first.

Strikeout! No cookies here which has been a constant in about 5 other stores. And while only Kashi cookies will do, this will yet be another time I get the evil eye when I make it back home only to give bad news. But since this was really originally an ice cream run, I didn't dwell on it too much. She can suck it up.

I make my way to the freezer section and go up the row once without seeing anything. Deep inside I am thinking about where the next closest Kroger is, but I figured I must have missed it. As I am going back up the row I spot what I was looking for. It was so beautiful, almost glowing like there was this aura around it. Yeah this is just ice cream, but my brain just works this way. I pick up 3 pints: Black Raspberry Chip, Mint Chocolate Chip, and a Chocolate Chocolate Chip for JoAnna. Now the only thing I can think of is sitting on my couch to enjoy my find.

If you remember up in this story I said I had about a 15 minute drive. Under normal circumstances this is not a big deal, but tonight I had precious cargo. I needed to ensure that my precious cargo made it from point A to point B safe and intact which in this case means minimal meltage. Ice...I needed a bag of ice. Insulation...I needed insulation. All total at the checkout, $16.59 for 3 pints, a bag of ice, and a towel to wrap everything up. Oh yeah baby - you have to think outside the box to be a successful father. I'll fill up the grocery bag containing the ice cream with the ice, then wrap it up with the towel so the cold doesn't escape. Brilliant!

The ice cream made it home still perfectly frozen and JoAnna enjoyed the flavor I bought for her. Now all I can think about is that next ice cream run I will need to make!

I only have a few minutes this morning, so I would like to jot down 2 notes:

• JoAnna has been extremely forgetful or ditzy on a lot of things lately. I am not talking about ditzy like a blonde, but just not her usual sharp self. I think I have heard the story about her dad and his pills about 5 times in the last week. It almost reminds me of her former neighbor Mr. Brown who used to begin and end his conversations with the story about his dead brother and the time he was clubbed in the head with a beer bottle. My old boss called this "baby brain" and I am now a firm believer of it. Maybe I can take advantage of the situation though: "I hope you remember honey, but you promised me I could get a motorcycle for my birthday next week." I already tried the "You took $20 bucks from me last week, but forgot to pay me back" line with no success, so I am not counting on any breakthroughs.
• JoAnna is getting frustrated by her clothing. This morning she changed into 3 different outfits before she settled on one. 2 days ago I got an instant message at work from her saying that she had to unbutton her pants because they were uncomfortable. I just have this image of JoAnna in a pose like Al Bundy from Married With Children:

Friday fatherhood humor for you all.....

1.) This will be my kid and I will enjoy every last second I can get on film.




2.) Chris Rock once said that a daddy's biggest job was to keep their daughters off the pole. Well those funny Brits decided to make this a whole lot tougher a few years ago with this: http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2007/biz2/0701/gallery.101dumbest_2007/99.html

3.) I have done some odd things in life, but in 6 months you will never find me doing this little experiment. This is just so wrong, but so funny. And as the great Will Rogers once said - "Everything is funny, as long as it happens to someone else." Good point there Will. http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000142.php

Today I bought the 4th jar of pickles for JoAnna. This is not much until you consider this has only been in the last 2 weeks that JoAnna has gotten the craving. So cliche.

**UPDATE** She finished off the 4th jar in about 2 hours.